If you wanted to put your finger on one reason why PhDs are lonely it’s this: you often have to isolate yourself, bury your head in books or data, and spend hours working alone. That, and people who haven’t done a PhD can’t understand the unique stress and anxiety you’re facing.

To counteract that, you should be taking at least one full day off a week. That doesn’t mean you should take two half days or a few afternoons off. You should take an entire 24 hour period off and away from your thesis. No emails, no writing, nothing.

Having this time off will reduce your overall stress levels and mean that when you return, you’ll be working more efficiently. Counterintuitively though, taking time off will mean you get more done overall so don’t fear to step away from your thesis.

It’s all the more important because, when we’re working alone and we’re stressed, our feelings of isolation and loneliness can increase, so getting a handle on stress whenever you can is an easy way to reduce those unwanted feelings from arising in the first place.

What’s more, having time away from your thesis will allow you to truly connect with those around you. Reach out to old and new friends, nurture relationships and give your family a call. You’ll be amazed at how connected you start to feel.

2. Don’t marry your thesis

There is a tendency amongst PhD students to make their PhD their entire life. Without realising it, you may have given up all your hobbies and personal relationships and instead focus all your time and energy on your PhD. That’s because you may feel that, to succeed, you need to marry your thesis.

Well, you don’t.

In fact, you must avoid this at all costs. Have at least one other thing in your life that isn’t related to your PhD. It doesn’t have to be big. A lot of people pick up a new hobby or start working out more.

Whatever it is, having this time away from your thesis gives your brain a rest and lets you see that there is a life outside of the thesis. It means that when your PhD causes you stress or anxiety, you have an escape and an alternative focal point.

3. Keep showing up

The more you engage in hobbies, particularly social ones like playing sport, the more likely you are to encounter other people. And, the more you do so the more you’re going to connect with them and start to form bonds and friendships. This won’t happen immediately though. You need to keep showing up, week in week out. It takes time, but eventually, if you show up often enough, you’ll start to form those bonds that you’re craving. And, because you’re meeting people outside of the academic/PhD circle, your connections will be a welcome distraction from the stresses of day-to-day PhD life.

4. Work away from the office/home once a week

If you can, work in coffee shops or co-working spaces once a week. Not only will getting away from your home or office (or wherever else you normally work) be a welcome relief from the monotony of your PhD, but you’ll start to meet new people and feel part of a community. This is particularly true if you choose local, independent coffee shops and keep going back week-in, week-out.

We sit around waiting for our phones to ring or for people we know to message us and send us invites. And when they don’t come, we remind ourselves how lonely we are. Instead of expecting a friend, you should aim instead to be a friend. You can be the one to send the messages, organise the meet-ups and send out the invites. You can be the one to phone your friends and family, check in with those around you and make people feel valued and welcome.

We often hesitate to do this, particularly amongst people we don’t know so well, for fear of being awkward or intrusive. But truthfully, do you really think people don’t enjoy being thought of or having someone reach out to see how they are? Do you think people don’t like to feel included and invited to events? Everyone does, so don’t think you’ll be imposing if you’re the one to initiate this kind of contact.

There are many parts of a PhD that are intrinsically isolating. It’s inevitable that you’ll have to work alone a lot of the time, and that your non-PhD friends and family won’t understand what you’re going through. As you progress through your PhD, you’ll also find yourself isolated from your supervisor and PhD-colleagues as you start to become more of an expert on your topic and as you start to claim greater ownership over your thesis.

However, by using these tips, you can find fulfilment and connection in other ways. You won’t ever change how isolating a PhD is, but you can put measures in place  to counteract that isolation. As you do, you’ll find that you work more effectively, have more optimism and have better relationships with those around you.

The PhD will sap your social energy, but you can replace it. Be vulnerable, be kind to yourself, step away from your thesis from time to time, connect with people and be a friend to those around you. That’s the magic formula to managing loneliness.

If you are in need of a little motivation and want to realise that you’re part of something bigger, take a moment to sign up to our daily PhD inspiration email series. Every day you’ll get a short piece of motivational advice that will make you think about what it means to be a PhD student.